Widening The Comfort Gap: Find a Place to Relax and Unwind

There’s a huge difference between being unreliable and irresponsible—and there should be. The space between these two should feel like a wide, comfortable chasm—a place where we can relax, knowing we’re neither failing to meet our responsibilities nor letting others down.

But recently, a conversation with a friend made me realize how difficult it can be to find comfort in that space. He was telling me how he felt like he couldn’t really relax anymore. His job responsibilities were always on his mind, and when he wasn’t thinking about work, he was worried about his obligations at home. It was like he was balancing everything on a tightrope, afraid to let anything slip.

“I just feel like there’s no room to breathe,” he said. “If I’m not constantly on top of things, something’s going to fall apart.”

That hit me hard. My friend was living with a comfort gap that was far too small. He had no space between being reliable and being irresponsible—it was all blurred together. In his mind, if he let go for even a second, he’d be seen as failing, either at work or at home.

He was always switched "on," always moving, always thinking ahead. In his world, there was no room for rest, because rest felt like a risk—like he’d be letting someone down. He couldn’t find that space where he could fully let go and trust that things wouldn’t collapse without him.

How the Comfort Gap Can Save You

The reality is, we all need space to let go. The gap between being unreliable and irresponsible is where we should find our comfort. We need to know that we can be responsible and dependable without being perfect all the time.

When the comfort gap is too small—when we feel like any slip means failure—it’s impossible to relax. The tension of constantly trying to balance everything becomes overwhelming. But when we create a wider gap, we allow ourselves the grace to breathe, knowing we can handle things without needing to be flawless.

I shared this with my friend, suggesting that maybe he was holding himself to an impossible standard. "You’re allowed to rest," I told him. "You don’t need to prove your reliability every second of the day."

Widening the Comfort Gap

So, how do we widen that gap? It starts with self-compassion and realistic expectations. Remind yourself that being responsible doesn’t mean being perfect. You can be reliable, you can show up for your family and your job, but you can also take breaks. You can stumble and still be dependable.

When we know there’s room to make mistakes and recover, we create that space where we can let go. It’s in this space that we find comfort—not in the constant drive to do more, but in the understanding that we’re enough, even when we’re not doing everything perfectly.

By widening the gap, my friend—and the rest of us—can finally relax, knowing that we’ve got this, even when we take a step back to breathe.

So, ask yourself: Is your comfort gap wide enough for you to relax? If not, it might be time to widen it, one step at a time.